rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
