I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
