Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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