if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize