Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The Olympian is in my bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
