I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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