Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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