he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize