Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How does one acquire holy water?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
