Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
