i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
barbara walters just said penis...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
