I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
