Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
