It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
