My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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