Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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