So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
