You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
