Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
