can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry my hands just texted you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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