Will you blow on my dice?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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