from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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