I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
