Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
