i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
