Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
