Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize