Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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