if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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