They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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