as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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