let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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