You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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