Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
