fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
