alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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