Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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