Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
