Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
