my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
