Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
