I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I believe in your delicious
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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