Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
