Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
