We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
