Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
