we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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