i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
