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• (619): View more from California

  wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh

  (1-619): View more from California

  maybe you did when you were drunk

  (619): View more from California

  no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man

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• (562): View more from California

  When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  i now understand why vodka

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home

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