So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
