one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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