How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
