I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
