Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
