I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize