Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
