No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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