He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
