What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
