She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
