So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
