paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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