Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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