I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
