So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
