Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
