Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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