My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
