Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
