have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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