Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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