The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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