just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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