Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
