hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
