Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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